Misunderstandings. They’re at the bottom of far too many arguments, break-ups, rejections, refusals, and failures to make positive progress.
It happens so often: you have a great conversation with someone and leave with a strong conviction the future is bright. Yet somehow the possibilities fizzle, and very little or nothing ever happens.
Fortunately, there are three simple steps you can take to avoid many of these disappointments. They are:
Step One: Detail What You’ll Do Next
This is the simplest, easiest, and most direct of the Three Steps to keep you and other people on the same page. Before you wrap up your session, make a simple statement about your next action to further the process between you.
This is simple because:
- It doesn’t require any cooperation or effort from anyone else, and
- You can choose what you’ll do and when you’ll do it.
Detailing what you’ll do next is a positive step forward in any interaction because it starts the ball rolling toward the future and also provides a reason to get back in touch.
Most important, it helps others feel entirely clear on what they can expect of you.
Step Two: Ask What They’ll Do Next
After you’ve taken Step One, it’s reasonable in some situations to try and determine what you can expect from the other person. You can almost always ask a question, such as:
- Will I hear from you?
- Will you send me that information I asked for?
- Can we set up a meeting?
- Will you perform that action we talked about?
You can also add a time-element to your question, just by starting your question with the word “When”.
Asking what the other person will do next has the dual benefits of:
- Getting a “buy in” or other commitment from the other person, and
- Reducing the chances of disappointment or troubles because something you expect or even need isn’t done.
It also helps you feel entirely clear on what you can expect of others.
Step Three: Ask How You Did
A super-saleswoman I know taught me the power of ending key conversations with: “Let me ask you something: How did I do?”
Out of context, as I write about it here, this question might sound awkward or pushy. But if your conversation has helped you establish or strengthen a good rapport with the other person, it can be very natural and even a little charming to ask for their thoughts and feelings about what just happened.
Asking ‘how you did’ usually comes off a little humble, and shows an interest in pleasing, both of which can actually earn you points with the other person – points you might not have earned earlier in the conversation.
More important, asking ‘how you did’ gives you an opportunity to receive feedback that can guide your future interactions in directions that will help you get more of what you want.
Bonus Tip
The secret to making this question work best for you, of course, is not to object to their answer, not to counter their opinions or observations, but to listen carefully and quietly. Their answer offers you valuable raw information you can apply not only to your future interactions with the person giving you this feedback, but with many other people, as well.
For example, in my (foolish) youth, I was very often able – after working through the first part of a conversation with other people – to anticipate how they were going to finish their remarks. Way too often, I would eagerly interrupt and offer my response. I (foolishly) presumed this process was extra efficient and effective.
There came a time, however, when I asked someone ‘how I did’ in our conversation, and he called me on this behavior.
“You don’t know everything I’m going to say,” he told me. “You just think you do. As a result, you don’t hear my full thoughts. And sometimes, in conversation with you, I get ideas. When you don’t let me finish, you don’t hear them. In fact, I may not even come up those ideas because of your interruptions.”
I turned a conversational corner that day, and now in my work and my life I almost always let people finish what they are trying to say. I find listening through to the end of their remarks gives me extra time to think about what they are saying and to understand it better. It also helps improve my interactions and prevents misunderstandings by keeping everyone on the same page.
Important: If this material resonated with you, please take a moment to forward it to someone you care about who might also benefit. If this material was forwarded to you, please click here for your free subscription and have me send future posts to you directly. In either case, please “stay tuned” to read more great stuff. Thank you in advance for helping fulfill my dream – of making all of us more productive and successful – by spreading this information free, far, and wide!